You’re not in Kansas anymore

It’s been a few years since my last post. During that time, I’ve been enjoying my life and planning for my future. My daughter is now in grade 12 and applying for universities. I am still self-employed, still on provincial disability and still learning about myself and how to navigate this thing called life.

I was recently interviewed on my experiences with poverty. How did I manage? How did I get out of it?

I don’t know how I managed, but I know I didn’t do it alone. I had friends, non-profit organizations and mentors who helped me along the way. What got me out of poverty was getting on disability. It enabled me to pay my rent and included a bus pass for me to get around. That was the beginning of my recovery from poverty.

And I never want to be there again. I never want to worry about how I’m going to pay my bills or feed my family or get to a meeting or wonder if I can afford to meet a friend for coffee. And it’s that fear of being in poverty that pushes me forward.

Now I have to figure out how to get off of disability.

Procrastination is not a SMART friend of mine

Time to put out the garbage? Suddenly, doing the dishes seems appealing. Followed up on that job interview yet? Hmm, I wonder what’s stored in the garage. Booked your yearly check up with the dentist? Wow, I had no idea how many cob webs the corners of my house had.

I’ve often wondered if anyone actually shows up for courses on overcoming procrastination. I would certainly sign up for a course like that because, in theory, it would provide me with useful tips. In reality, I would probably come up with an excuse not to attend and then just say the class got cancelled.

Seriously, though. Procrastination for me is intertwined with the depression and anxiety I experience. The more anxious I feel about something, the more depressed I feel about not getting the task done, which results in me going out of my way to avoid doing it.

Yup, putting things off is my forte, which is why the SMART method of goal setting works so well for me.

Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Realistic

Timely

I try to use this goal setting method in all areas of my life. Sometimes I need to remind myself I can only do one thing at a time. Sometimes, instead of a to-do list, I write an accomplishment list.

Most New Year’s resolutions fail. Why? Because people set vague, unrealistic goals. For example:

This year, I’m going to exercise.

Okay, good for you, but in my mind, this resolution raises more questions.

• What type of exercise will you do?
• By this year, do you mean every day or some random day within the next year or once a month or something else entirely?
• How will you know when you’ve met your goal?
• How often, what time of day and where will you do the exercise?

And so on. What about saying this instead?

This week, on Monday and Wednesday at work, I’m going to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

Much better. You’re Specific about when you’re going to do the activity and what the activity will be. You’re Measuring it by stating how many days you’re planning to follow through on this plan. It’s certainly Achievable and Realistic. Lastly, setting a Time limit completes the statement. SMART.

Some resolutions, however, are too vague and need to be broken down into mini SMART goals to get that one task completed.

From now on, I’m going to eat healthy.

Great plan! Do you know how to eat healthy? What does being healthy mean to you? Mini SMART goals might be:

• On Monday after school, I’m going to write up my definition of healthy and how it relates to me.
• On Tuesday before breakfast, I’m going to print a food diary I found online.
• On Wednesday and Thursday, I’m going to write down everything I eat as soon as I eat it.
• On Friday before bed, I’m going to review my definition of healthy and compare it to what I’ve been eating for the last few days and find any gaps.
• On Saturday after my swim, I will plan my meals for the following week by making a grocery list.
• By the time I go to bed on Sunday, my grocery shopping will be done.

And the next week you start over. By breaking down your goals into bite-size pieces, you’re setting yourself up for success. And if you aren’t able to complete each mini goal by the end of the week, don’t beat yourself up. All that means is either you need to be even more specific or you’ve given yourself too much to do. You could make the above SMART goals more achievable as follows;

• Monday and Tuesday before bed, I’m going to research online about healthy eating.
• By 3pm on Thursday, I will have written down my definition of what eating healthy looks like.
• On Sunday during lunch with my health-conscious friend, I’m going to ask them how I get started.

I use SMART goals to feel good about myself and keep procrastination at bay. Have you turned your New Year’s resolutions into SMART goals yet?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Pudding and Salsa

Food banks are a great resource for those living on limited to no extra funds after rent and other life necessities are paid for. And, although I feel bad about even being picky from receiving donated food, these suggestions could make a world of difference:

1. Think about the meals people will be eating from the food you’re providing. Pudding is great as a treat, but salsa with nothing to dip into it is depressing.
2. Not all people on limited incomes have a place to cook their meals. Providing items that are easy to heat up is ideal.
3. Some people may not have access to a fridge or freezer, so frozen items only work for those people who have the luxury of cold storage.
4. Fresh items such as fruit, vegetables and bread are always welcome. A limited income makes it difficult to eat healthy.
5. If you’re providing the bags the food is in, please make them durable for all kinds of weather. You may remember my trip a few years back to the food bank where they gave me paper bags which broke apart as I got off the bus in the rain. Encourage people to bring their own bags.
6. Provide recipe suggestions for items given, especially if it’s not apparent which items go together. For example, pasta and sauce make sense, but coconut milk, apples and bread make less sense. Supercook provides recipe suggestions from ingredients you’ve included, but not everyone has access to a computer at home.

Anyone can get to a point where they need the support of a food bank or soup kitchen. It’s not only income assistance and disability recipients in the lines. Often it’s single parents, students and the elderly. Poverty does not discriminate.

Image courtesy of jk1991 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The randomness of roommates

Thirteen more days and my roommate of 2-years moves out. My daughter has already redecorated and assigned the spare room as our hobby room.

On and off over the last eight years, I’ve rented out my spare room to make ends meet.

When I first moved into my three bedroom suite, I rented two of the three rooms. Every new roommate brought with them the hope that this time would be different. Better. Cohesive. Instead, it was a constant reminder of the havoc it wreaks on my psyche. Rarely is it worth the financial gain.

My first roommate was a lovely young woman with a steady job, a boyfriend and a crazy little cat. She was quiet and unobtrusive. Things were going quite well until she lost her job three months later and had to move out.

The second roommate was great when she wasn’t high or drunk, which was hardly ever. Add that to the fact that her friends stole things from my house (booze, digital camera) and punched a huge hole in my wall, it was the longest two months of my life.

Roommate three lasted less than a month. Despite her glowing references, her mental health issues reared their ugly heads and I had to call the police to escort her off the premises.

I’d had enough. Or so I thought. Two years later, I received a distress call from a friend I’d met in my divorce support group. She was a woman with some serious issues to resolve. A few months later, we parted on hostile terms and are no longer friends.

It took me three years to get up the courage to make one final stab at the roommate thing. With my rent being 59% of my monthly income, any financial help made a difference.

Living with someone you don’t know very well can be challenging. You need to learn all the little quirks about them, you need to share half of your fridge, half of your cupboards, half of your shower rack full of shampoos. You can’t be too loud, you need to be courteous. Which is what you do with someone you love as well, but you shouldn’t have to remind them to do their end of the housework or constantly turn off the burner they forgot to turn off or feel bad about the lack of decor to their liking in your own home.

Thirteen more days and we have our place back to ourselves. I get to move back into the big bedroom and will finally be able to make my bed without flinging myself diagonally across it just to put on the fitted sheet. I no longer have to worry about walking out of the shower with my towel undone. No more waking up to late night cooking sounds and smells. I get my fridge and cupboards and shower back.

Sometimes personal freedom outweighs financial gain. This is one of those times.

Image courtesy of AKARAKINGDOMS at FreeDigitalPhotos.net