Fear of commitment?

ID-100104103 A few years ago, I thought I had it all figured out. I had taken an online program to re-evaluate my strengths and interests and to update my resume. Shortly after that post, I did get a part-time job with a non profit. That contract ended 5-months ago and, although I still do the occasional project with them, I’m not getting the regular income I used to receive.

Yet I still find myself in the same predicament. I’ve decided I want to work in social services, partly as a result of the experience I’ve had being in the system and partly because I love advocating for others. Many months later of hemming and hawing over which program to take at which school and I’m still trying to make a decision.

Paying for school is not a problem, as I can apply for the Opportunity Fund which assists people with a disability obtain training in the field of their choice. However, I can only apply to the fund once I’ve been accepted into a program. Basically, my fear of no longer being a generalist (which is what got me here in the first place), is what’s stopping me from making the next step. Or maybe it’s another type of fear that’s holding me back.

Fear of commitment perhaps? To specialize in a specific area is daunting to a generalist. Am I not limiting my options by doing so?

It could be fear of failure. What if I don’t get into any of the programs I apply for? What if I get into a program but then am denied the funding?

After so many uphill challenges in the past 5-years, maybe my fear is about being successful. What does that even look like?

I think it’s time to change my definitions of success, failure and commitment.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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